


Sardines

by JokerGothNerd



Series: The Hare [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Arguing, Based on Inside No.9, Big family secrets, Childhood Trauma, Chuck is horrible, Drunk Dean Winchester, Engagement Party, Ezekiel is boring, F/M, How Do I Tag, I don't know how to tag without spoiling it, I suck at tags, Is all confusing, It's a bit sad, M/M, Many a problem, Memories, Missouri is losing it, Party Games, Wardrobe, bad memories, sardines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-23 01:30:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10709310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JokerGothNerd/pseuds/JokerGothNerd
Summary: It's Sam and Gabriel's engagement party, and the family, plus guests, are playing Sardines.If you don't know what Sardines is, don't worry, it gets explained along the way.But there's a horrifying family truth mixed in with the rest of the drama on the way. Too many secrets and squashed in a wardrobe: let the fun begin.





	Sardines

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Supernatural version of Inside No.9, and if you don't understand it, I have explained it in the end notes. Oh, and the description of the room at the beginning is actually important to the story.  
> Ooh, and they are in a wardrobe for most of it, so there's an awful lot of just talking x

T'was a hazy July afternoon when it happened.

Inside a century old mansion, Gabriel ran around each room, excitedly searching. He got to one of the bedrooms, or shall we say, the place where we tell our tale. It was rather old-fashioned, but sweet; first he checked under the large bed that sat in the centre of the room, backed up so it slumped next to the window. Curiously, there was a statue of a hare sat next to the bed - the only ornament in the room.

Next, Gabriel flew back the thick green and yellow curtains that he almost tripped up on; then the chest at the foot of the bed, which was big enough to fit someone inside. Lastly, he pushed past the door on the right hand-side of the room, to the en-suite bathroom, ripping the shower curtain out the way: but it was empty. The eldest Novak boy sighed, and wondered where the hell he hadn’t looked yet.

The wardrobe! The was a huge wardrobe pressed up the wall opposite the bathroom door. Not expecting anyone to be there, he gently opened both doors on it.

“Oh,” he let out a little sound of surprise, as inside was a man, taller than he was, with short blond hair and thick framed glasses. At least his suit fit in with the rest of them.

“Hello.”

“Hello,” Gabe repeated back like a robot.

“That was quick.”

“Well, obviously, I know the house, so…”

“So you have an unfair advantage,” he teased, as Gabriel struggled to keep up the small talk.

“Unfair advantage. Yes. Well, let's-” the Novak laughed, a little nervously as it occurred to him that he’d never seen this man before.

“Come on in,” he gestured, as though he’d forgotten the whole aim of the task at hand.

“Sorry, we weren't properly introduced. I'm Ezekiel, by the way,” the man spoke like he’d never communicated with another human before, “It's Lucifer, isn't it?”

“Gabriel.”

“Gabriel. I work with Sam. I say work with. I'm more on the IT side, but obviously with him being the Office Manager, there is a fair amount of overlap,” Ezekiel babbled, much to Gabe’s dismay,  “He's more responsible for infrastructure whereas I take more of a lead in programme development.”

“Right. What did you say your name was again?” Gabe stood shorter than Zeke, but that didn’t make him any less intimidating.

“It's Ezekiel,” he said, like he was catching on to what Gabriel was doing.

“That's right. Sam has mentioned you. Sh!” from outside the wardrobe, the door to the room was opened, and footsteps were heard.

This carried on for a minute before the door closed again. “I wonder who that was,” Gabriel smiled, then it fell as he remembered he was stuck here without any decent company.

“Don't know. It could be a long game. So, how does it feel to be engaged, Lucifer?” Ezekiel attempted to restart the conversation.

“Gabriel.”

“Gabriel. You set a date yet?”

“9th November.”

“Oh, dear. That's 9/11,” at that point, Gabriel realised and felt like he'd just had a blow to the jaw, “You'll not forget that in a hurry, will you?”

“No, I hadn't thought of it that way, to be honest.”

“Well, you must,” Zeke didn't seem to understand what he'd just done, and he instead rearranged himself inside the closet.

* * *

“Boo,” the wardrobe doors opened, man stood, looking rather unimpressed. He was taller than Gabriel; with dark, messy hair; bright blue eyes; and he was wearing a suit with a tie to match his eyes.

“Oh, Cas. Get in quick,” Gabe tried to usher him in, but he ignored it.

“I heard you talking. Very slack, Gabriel. Why are you hiding in here?” Castiel didn't sound too interested in this game, yet he played.

“I didn't choose it, did I?”

“Guilty as charged,” Ezekiel interrupted the sibling dispute.

“Have you met Zeke?”

“No, I don't believe I've had the pleasure. Castiel. I'm Gabriel's brother,” he stuck his hand out for a handshake.

“So, you must know all the nooks and crannies of the house, then,” Zeke laughed, looking around the wardrobe.

“Oh, yes. I spent most of my Christmases hiding in various cupboards waiting for my bossy older brother to find me,” Cas took Gabriel's left hand, admiring the engagement ring, then shot a painful look at him, “You never could, though, could you?”

Everyone was frozen for a moment before a noise outside shocked them back to life.

“Get in,” Gabriel urged, as he dragged Castiel inside, “Is dad playing?”

“He said he would. He's out showing Cain and Rowena the stables.”

“He can do that afterwards. We're meant to be playing the game,” he whined. It wasn't fair: this always happened to him.

“It's alright. Keep your voice down. You'll give us all away,” Cas snapped back at his older brother, forgetting the other person in there with them, who was bound to ask questions. But evidently not.

* * *

Time passed rather slowly, the waiting was dull, but at least the next person wasn't. At the sound of footsteps, everyone shut up and listened closely.

“Lollipops! Come and get your lollipops. Where are those children hiding? Now, then, if I were going to secrete myself in this room, where would I go? Not behind those curtains. They're a migraine waiting to happen. Oh, hanging around the toilets, perhaps. It has been known. Or would I enjoy spending time in the closet?” the wardrobe door swung open, to show a rather tipsy Dean almost laughing at the sight, “Not interrupting anything, I hope.”

Cas grabbed at Dean’s jacket, “Come on, Dean,” dragged him in, closing the door with a happy sigh. They stood rather close, and Dean reached out to try and sort Cas’ tie out, giving up after a minute of drunken focus.

“You two know each other, then, do you?” Ezekiel asked, intrigued as to how they were so close.

“Yes. They're partners,” Gabriel answered for them, as it wasn't like he was doing anything, and Cas and Dean seemed contempt with just staring at one another.

“In what line?”

“Sorry?” Castiel turned to Zeke.

“I'm in IT.”

“Congratulations. I'm in shit, because I got home late last night…” Dean began, and looked down, regretting his state.

“Dean, I've told you, it's okay.” And it clicked for Ezekiel. Made a huge amount of sense. And if he was wrong… that’d be really, really odd. Really odd. Bizarre, even.

“Oh, I see. You're living together partners,” Ezekiel treaded carefully, fingers crossed he was right.

“Yeah, we're queer, dear, get used to it.” Thank fuck. But Dean didn't sound particularly sober.

“How much have you drank?”

Cas had always been such a mother hen. Not just to Dean, but to EVERYONE. It was cute to start with, but it could get a little much. He was very possessive, and looked after people, better than how he cared for himself.

“Cassie, please. Dean, behave. This party's not about you. It's about me and Sam, so butt out,” Gabriel whisper-shouted at the couple, who gave him puppy dog eyes, which did not compare to Sam's, so it didn't work.

“You're much prettier when you're angry, and so are you,” Dean turned to look thoughtfully at Gabriel, then Castiel - who almost blushed - “Anyway, changing the subject slightly, I'm not being funny, but there's a man downstairs that absolutely stinks.”

“Yes, that's Stinky Garth.”

“And what is it? Is it his clothes? His breath?”

“I don't know.”

Garth went to school with the Novak children. They were all good friends, and their father, Chuck, was more than happy to have them all round. But that was back when he was just Garth, not Stinky Garth.

No one knows what, but something must have just happened to him. He just stopped washing one day. Hell, you could probably trace it back. Castiel was very quiet at this point. He was very good friends with Garth, but yet again, no one knew why...

“And what about all the other ones? There was that really boring one,” the eldest Winchester inquired.

Gabriel just looked incredibly uncomfortable, and Cas nudged his boyfriend and pointedly looked to Ezekiel, who was politely stood facing the doors. It was for the best.

“Yes, and, um,” trying to get back on track when Ezekiel moved to listen to their conversation, “What about that old woman that's wandering around?”

“Oh, God, that's Missouri. She's dad's cleaner. I asked her to come and serve drinks but she thinks she's a guest.”

“That is hilar! You've got to tell her,” Dean laughed, the alcohol getting to him and Castiel trying to grab the bottle of champagne, but to no avail.

“I can't now. She's all dressed up."

“Dressed up? She looks like Feed The Birds."

“There's a sandwich man at work who wears a yellow T-shirt. It's a jersey but it's T-shirt material, and all the girls call him Mustard Mike,” Zeke chuckled, but the others couldn't even force a smile. It was a shame, but what could you do? He was the boring one. They felt a little sorry for him.

“Well, thank God I brought champagne. Who wants a swig?”

* * *

“Found them! They're in here!” The doors were wacked open again, another man, a little taller than Dean, stood with a grin plastered to his face. With short blonde hair and blue eyes, it could only be one person. Lucifer.

“Sh!”

“That's it, is it? I've won?” the guy seemed so excited to have perhaps won something for once. He wasn't used to it. It was more likely that Lucifer would have never won a game in his life, so it hurt like a knife to the chest for Gabriel to explain:

“No, you've got to hide as well.”

“Oh, okay.”

His posture fell a tad, but perked up. Luci frantically searched around, then ran over to the chest at the foot of the double bed. But upon opening it, he was pulled back down as Gabe also whisper-shouted “No, in here! With us.”

He walked over, took one glance and decided that four people was enough for one wardrobe. “Oh, there's not really much space in there.”

“That's why it's fun, apparently,” Dean smirked.

“I'm a little bit claustrophobic.”

“Then it's even more fun,” Cas, with a malicious smile, took the other man’s hand, pulling him inside, Dean closing them in.

Now, the problem was, Lucifer had never played Sardines before, and Gabriel was trying to spread the enthusiasm. Which meant that Gabriel was going to have to answer Luci’s questions on what the fuck they were supposed to be doing during this time spent in a closet - which everyone was trying very, very hard not to joke about how long Dean just have spent in there.

“So, what happens now?”

“We wait for the others to find us.”

“So, how do you win?”

“Nobody wins. You just wait.”

“Oh. Alright. So, when does the game start?”

“This is the game, Lucifer. We're playing it.”

And the realisation struck Ezekiel. The name mixing up. This was the other one.

“Oh, so you're Lucifer, are you?”

“Yes, hello.”

“Because I've been calling Gabriel, Lucifer, haven't I?” and with Luci in the middle, Zeke had to lean all the way over to Gabe, which Lucifer did not like at all, “I think I just got mixed up because Sam talks about you all the time.”

“Does he?” Both of them inquired. Crap.

“Yes.”

“Who are you talking to?” Gabriel was looking more and more anxious, which only made a very drunk Dean laugh, earning him a kick and a stern glare from his overprotective boyfriend.

“Which one are you again?”

“Gabriel.”

“Yes.”

The awkward silence was painful. And Ezekiel was stuck in the middle of possibly the most deadly conversation in the history of conversations. And how could he forget which one’s which? They look different, they're names are very different, except that both men are named after archangels. So, who else could attempt to rekindle speech, other than Dean Winchester.

“Oh, I've not seen this much wood since I was-”

“How much have you had to drink?” Cas took one look at Dean, immediately making him shut up. The dominance was a sight to behold, but the others were too busy to notice.

“So what does Sam say about me?” Gabriel asked, rather intrusively.

“I'm sorry?”

“At work. You said he talks about me.”

“Oh, just the usual boring boyfriend stuff,” Zeke gulped, really not knowing what to say without offending him. Bit late for that.

“Boring boyfriend?”

“Not that you're boring. Just the stuff he says about you is…”

“Boring?”

“Yes.”

“Coming from you, Ezekiel,” Gabriel huffed, very, very pissed off, “That's quite something. Thank you.”

The pause were getting worse, no one liked it in there. The whole game of Sardines was really bringing the mood down, on such a joyous occasion of an engagement party.

“Is anyone else getting hot? I just need to open the door a crack,” Lucifer innocently asked, “I just need to get some air.”

Despite what you may think, Lucifer was rather lovely and oblivious to what had happened years before hand. He was just a good little soul.

“Wait till Stinky Garth gets here. You'll need more than a crack.”

“Is Stinky Garth playing?” the look on Luci’s face was priceless. The utter horror of the idea. And the others felt the same about it.

“Everybody's playing. It's Sardines,” Gabriel told them for what felt like the a hundredth time. Why did no one understand how this game worked? They'd played it for years. Hell, Gabriel remembers playing it since he was tiny, and sardines was the cause of-

“Oh, I don't know if I can stay in here if he gets in. I do get a bit…” Lucifer spoke before Gabe could revisit that memory. Thank fuck for that.

“Don't worry. Me and you will nip through to Narnia, have a snowball fight, get some Turkish Delight,” Dean laughed.

“I'm sorry. I need to breathe.”

“No, you're not allowed!”

“He's allowed to breathe,” Castiel almost snapped at his older brother, but refrained.

“I wouldn't mind stretching the old legs, actually. Been in here a while.”

Before Gabriel knew it, Lucifer had rushed out and sat on the bed, fanning himself over-dramatically. Then, Ezekiel - who no one seemed overly fond of - also got out, and walked around the room a little.

Next was Dean: “I'm going to have a piss-break then. That champagne's gone right through me.”

“Well, don't flush it!” Gabriel whisper-shouted at his sort of brother-in-law. Now it was only him and his younger brother left standing in the wardrobe that was doing a great job of holding them all.

“Don't worry, I’m not stupid.”

However, as Dean opened the door, all the others heard was a voice say “Oh, occupied!”

“Sorry! Well, that's something I shall never un-see.” He looked utterly traumatized, even at the thought that there was no lock on the door. Gabe would have laughed if Castiel was right next to him, ready to punch his arm if he dared insult the drunken Dean Winchester.

“Who is it?”

“Feed The Birds.” Oh, it was Missouri.

She was a lovely woman, but she seemed to have been losing it a bit lately. Unfortunately that just old age for you. And then, there was everything she wasn't supposed to talk about, but you could never trust that woman not to burst a secret.

“Shouldn't she be using the staff toilets?” Ezekiel piped up, yet no one answered, they all just gave him a funny look.

“You okay? What's the matter with you?” Gabriel asked Castiel, who was staring at the room. He looked as though he'd seen a ghost.

“What do you think, Gabriel? Look where we are,” Cas turned to stare into Gabe’s soul, pain overshadowing his sight. His younger brother knew better than to ask, he knew what had happened. Gabriel bit his lip in apology, and didn't say another word.

The room was quiet now, a couple of them knew why, the others just found it awkward. The bathroom door opening, made them jump, and Missouri was smiling at Dean as she spoke “There you go, lovey. Doesn't have a lock. It's an en suite.”

“You warmed the seat for me,” he thanked her, and walked in, leaving the cleaner to be the positive person in the room.

“I heard you all talking in there. I just didn't want to disturb you,” they could see how she didn't fully understand everything, she didn't even understand that game, so Missouri turned to Lucifer who was sat on the bed, “That's a bomby shirt.”

“Thank you. I got it in Paris,” he said, looking down at his deep purple shirt, and flattening it a little.

“My hip went that colour when I fell up some steps at Legoland.” Yeah, she was a little crazy. But Missouri was getting old, and her mind was going a little. Gabe stifled a laugh, as he could see the look on Luci's face, which was priceless. It brightened the mood a little bit.

“I was just getting some air. I'm a bit claustrophobic.”

“Is that why you can't bear to touch a snake?

“You've got that, haven't you, Cas?” the yelling came from Dean who was still in the bathroom, and still very drunk, which was what Castiel was blaming for what his partner said.

“Har, har, har. I'd hardly call it a snake, Dean,” Cas retaliated, just loud enough for Dean to hear.

“I heard that!”

“I know.”

Gabriel knew that he should intervene quickly, so as to not allowing a right to commence between his brother and brother-in-law law. It was the safest option. You didn't want to come between them, he'd done it before, and had vowed _never_ to do it again.

“Right. Shall we assume the position?”

Everyone - apart from Dean - moved back towards the hiding spot, and back to their original positions: except with a little more room.

“Wait for me! Room for little 'un,” and lastly, Missouri, squeezed herself into a spot at the front, near Ezekiel and Lucifer.

“It's like the time and relative dimension in space,” Zeke laughed, but no one payed attention, so he sighed and finished the joke, “TARDIS…”

“So, Lucifer, tell me again how you know Sam,” Missouri wondered, in all innocent, not realising she would cause a little fuss (and a lot of jealousy from Gabriel).

“Lucifer is Sam’s ex, Missouri,” he bluntly stated, refusing to look at anyone in the eye or stop smiling. After all, this was his engagement party, and _nothing_ was going to spoil it for him. No exes. No bad past. Nothing.

“Oh, that's it. I knew it was something I wasn't supposed to mention.”

“We're just mates now. Text buddies. He BBMs me every now and again at weekends,” Lucifer commented, not trying to start a war. But it wasn't exactly doing him any favours.

“Yeah, he BBMs me a lot, too,” Gabriel slightly shouted. He didn't want the attention shifting particularly, “Always BBMing…”

Funny thing was, he couldn't actually remember what BBMing was. It was a young person's app, presumably. Probably some type of messaging system, but Gabriel wasn't as young as he once was, and therefore it'd be like watching an elderly person attempt to operate an iPhone with no help or prior knowledge.

“What it is to be young. It's been ages since I've been in this room,” Missouri rambled on, “Your dad usually keeps it locked. You know, after-”

“We're not going down that road, Missouri.  
It's a party, remember?” Gabriel stopped her. He didn't want to remember. And he knew Castiel didn't either. His poor little brother.

“Oh, yes. _Why am I always the bridesmaid._

_Never the blushing bride._

_Dingdong, wedding bells._

_Only ring for other girls._

_One fine day._

_Oh let it be soon_

_I shall wake up in the morning on my own honeymoon.”_

However, that didn't stop the flashbacks occurring. Castiel wasn't faring very well, and Gabriel didn't know what the fuck to do, so like an idiot, he kept quiet. The trauma of the whole situation was something you wouldn't even wish on your worst enemy.

Luckily, the spell was broken by Dean coming back,  “Right, I'm coming back in,” then he thrusted his hand into Cas' face, “Smell that. Carbolic. We should get some of that for our en suite.”

Carbolic soap. Because if anything, that made it even worse for Cas. They'd always had carbolic soap in the Novak household, it was their father's choice.

“This is fun, isn't it?” Wow. Yet again, the cleaner misread the situation. Because it's not like she ever managed to actually understand what she was doing.

“Thank you, Missouri. Yes, it is,” Gabriel smiled, since someone else, thankfully, found this enjoyable. Even if it was the mad old bat.

“Do you have a partner, Ezekiel?” Missouri turned to him, and he leaned over Lucifer to talk to her.

“No. Young, free and single at the moment. I'm not being a monk. I've had some experiences, but no. Pretty barren at the moment. A pretty arid patch.”

Luci clearly wasn't happy that Zeke was invading his personal space - Gabriel found it funny though, and stifled a laugh.

“We'll have to get it fixed up, won't we? Yes. Do you like him, Lucifer?”

“No, no, no,” he was quick to stare, more looking as Ezekiel than Missouri, “I have a boyfriend. His name is Michael. Did you meet him downstairs?”

“Yes, he gave me his jacket and asked me to get him a drink.”

“Oh he's only young,” Gabriel tried to reason, and defend his enemy's boyfriend.

“How young? Is he legal?”

“He's 21.”

“Oh, toy boy. You know what they say. If there's grass on the wicket, let play commence,” Dean laughed, and took a swig from the bottle in his hand.

“Oh, for fuck's sake, Dean. Give it a rest,” Cas had had enough of his partner's antics, yet again. This is why they shouldn't have played Sardines, because then Castiel could have watched how much Dean had drank, “Can't you just talk like a normal human being for five minutes?

“Sh!” Gabe stopped the argument because he'd just heard the room doors open, followed by two sets of footsteps. They all tried to peek through the gap in the wardrobe doors, but to no avail.

“Cain, in here. Have you managed to get rid of him yet?” a thick Scottish accent that belong to one of them filled the room. She sat on the bed, whilst the other paced a little once he'd closed the bedroom door.

“Yeah, he's gone off to look for the others. God, I loathe playing other people's family games,” this time the other person spoke, a man, presumably her husband, Cain. Meaning that the other was his wife, Rowena. The MacLeods were friends of the Novaks.

“We should have been done by now. You said we'd be away by three.”

“Why don't you just do the lie about the babysitter being ill?” Cain asked.

They had a 10 year old son, Fergus Crowley MacLeod. Gabriel had met him once. Preferred to be called Crowley, very sarcastic, wasn't a huge fan of people, but _hated_ his mother with a passion. No one knew why, but suspected that maybe it was because his name was Fergus.

“Because it needs to be seeded. You need to seed it,” they could hear Rowena complain in a whiny voice.

“Doesn't need to be seeded. You just say it. ‘Oh, I'm awfully sorry, we've got to go now.  
Babysitter's not feeling very well.’”

“You're so naive, Cain,” she huffed, and walked over to Cain, who'd had stood still.

What was more interesting was that neither of them had thought that perhaps six other people were hiding and could hear exactly what they were saying.

“Listen, listen. Old man may be tedious, but he's our way into Dick Roman, yeah? So, we have to put a shift in.”

“I thought you hated Dick Roman.”

“Yeah, I hate Dick Roman. He's a first-class prick,” he admitted without thought, “But I need him to smooth over that merger next year, yeah? You know what they say. Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer."

“Such a horrible shit, Cain,” she laughed and stumbled backwards.

“That's why you bloody love me,” now both of them were giggling, moving to the bed. The wardrobe tenants started to worry now. It was getting dangerous.

“No! Cain, stop it,” Rowena snorted.

“Come on! Just fingers,” he reasoned with her.

“Someone could walk in on them,” Missouri sensibly spoke up first. After all, no one else was going to, so she was the brave one.

“Well, that's the thrill of it, Missouri,” Dean smiled, and surprisingly got a smirk from Castiel too. They really were a great couple, they just had a few issues to smooth out. And if Dean behaved, he wouldn't have to sleep on the sofa tonight - bonus points there then.

“Quick, someone make a noise” Gabriel whispered, so Ezekiel made the quietest little murmur humanly possible. “I think that was a bit too subtle, Zeke.”

“Geronimo!”

“Fuck.” Cain crept up to the wardrobe, and gently unlocked it, to an audience of their little 'show’.

“Oh, you found us. Well done.”

In the room, stood a fairly calm man (with great hair, I would like to point out), wearing a very expensive purple suit, who was Cain. Sat on the bed was Rowena, looking horrified, with block red hair and a bright, lime green dress. Both weren't much older than those in the wardrobe.

“What the hell?!”

“Sardines.”

“Hello, Cain. Welcome to the wardrobe. Ezekiel. I work for you. In IT.”

“Of course. Hi.” Did I mention he had great hair? Like, incredible hair. It could challenge Sam’s glorious mane. That's how amazing it was. Just beautiful, beautiful hair. I'd kill for hair like that.

“We've been hiding in here for ages waiting for someone to find us, and these doors are so thick, we didn't hear anything, did we?” Gabriel fake grinned and turned to the others, encouraging them to agree with him, or they were all dead meat. "No, no.”

“Do you want to come in then? Before dad finds us?” Gabriel cheerfully gestured to the cramped space, as the others supported pained grins.

“Um yeah,” and Rowena suddenly seemed very nervous, shooting a wide-eyed look at Cain, “I'm a teeny bit worried about the babysitter. She said she's feeling under the weather.”

“No, I'm sure we'll be alright for a few minutes, won't we?” Cain softly spoke, attempting to literally spend a minute or two hiding. It annoyed his wife like hell, but she refused to let it show.

“Yeah, looks like a lot of fun. Alright. I'm getting in. Yes. Everybody watch my shoes. Or maybe I should just take them off-”

“Just get in Rowena. You stay in there next to Lucifer,” and that's where she stayed, with Cain on her other side.

“Gabriel,” he reminded them, _again._

“Sorry,” the man didn't sound it. And didn't bother to hide the fact he didn't.

“It's my engagement party. Nobody seems to know my name,” Gabriel nervously laughed, quite loudly.

“No, it's just that Sam always says…” Cain commented, just as he shifted into position within the wardrobe. All of them were very squished now. Not good.

“What?” He was panicking now. Everyone seemed to be doing it, and there names aren't even that similar. And if Sam has been saying it too, does that mean…?

Reaching over and tapping Lucifer's nose - again, he was almost disgusted by it - Ezekiel said to Cain “This one's Lucifer.”

“Oh, hello. Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you, too.” Each of them stretched to shake hands, despite the awkward way they were stood.

Before they could close the wardrobe doors, someone else walked in. “Ah, there you are. Already been in here once.”

Through the open door, another man came in, with dark hair and blue eyes, but shorter than Castiel. He must have been the person who had searched the room whilst only Gabe and Zeke were in there then.

“Michael, come in. We're having such a laugh,” Lucifer put on his best fake grin, gritting his teeth down, pleading his boyfriend to join them.

“Wardrobe. Can't believe I didn't check the fucking wardrobe. I'm such an idiot” he smiled, then became concerned, “Is everything alright? I thought I heard someone shouting.”

“That was me. I said ‘Geronimo!’ Don't ask me why,” poor dear. Missouri was still bonkers as ever.

“Have you met everyone? Michael, this is Ezekiel. He works with Cain,” Luci proceeded to explain.

“For Cain, actually. I own the company.” Snob.

“Oh, yeah. Well, if you ever need any roofing doing,” Michael spoke, kindly ignoring Cain's tone of voice.

“You know Gabriel, obviously. And this is Cain’s wife, Rowena.”

“Hello.”

“Hi,” someone must have said her name three times, because she appeared from the back, with red eyes.

“You alright? You look like you've been crying,” ever the gentleman. Younger people got an awful lot of bad press these days and here we have Michael caring about people he didn't even know.

“It's just a little bit dusty in here, that's all,” Rowena excused herself, and went back into the corner before anything else could be said.

“And this is Gabriel’s brother, Castiel. And that's Dean, his flatmate.”

“Pleased to meet you,” Cas shook Michael's hand, not caring about how Dean had just been described.

“Flatmate?” Dean scowled, looking so offended by the term, as Castiel didn't intervene.

“And this is Missouri.”

“Oh, yeah, I know, yeah,” he the had the nerve to he out his empty glass and put it into Missouri’s hands, “Wouldn't mind a cheeky top up if you don't mind, love.”

“Pardon?”

“Little cheeky champers,” maybe Michael wasn't as nice as he looked earlier. Or there had been a misunderstanding.

“Why do you keep asking me?” she thrusted it back at him, confused as to the situation.

“Gabriel said you were serving drinks-” it was his turn to be puzzled now.

“No. I'm a guest. He's got his wires crossed.”  
“Yes, we're all guests here. All equal,” Gabriel told him, implying the mix up.

“I used to be their nanny. I've known all three of them since they were so high.”

“Three of them?” Wait. What?

“Yes, we have a sister. Anna,” however, when Gabriel spoke, it looked as though he _really_ didn't want to talk about it.

“Is she not coming, Gabe? I'd love to see the boys again. They must be getting quite big now,” Missouri inquired, yet again, not knowing she was triggering bad memories.

“No, they can't make it. It's a bit too far to travel.”

The pause between words was almost unbearable. None of the others knew, but weren't so rude as to be nosey about it.  
“I'll go get my own drink then, shall I?” Michael piped up, trying to find a new topic.

“Here we go, Michael. I've got some contraband you can have. We'll form a splinter group," once Dean was out of the wardrobe, and stood next to Michael, he passed over the bottle, and headed for underneath the rather large bed.

“You can't do that,” Gabriel hissed.

“It's alright. I'm sure my _flatmate_ won't mind.”

Dean pointedly glared at his sober partner, who shot him a dirty look back. No one even bothered to try and guess what they were thinking. As soon as they actually tried to get under, complaints came again.

“I'm sorry, Dean. That's against the rules.”

“Homophobic?” Yes, Dean genuinely asked Gabriel, who was going to marry a man, if he was homophobic. There would be no explanation other than hypocrite, if that were true. Anyway, it just earned a funny look off Gabe and Cas and Luci.

“Oh, you've got that, haven't you, lovey?”

“No, I'm claustrophobic,” Luci reminded her. Missouri had completely and utterly forgotten that, in fact, there were three gay couples at the party. And Lucifer was half of one. Unbelievable.

“Well, it is a little crowded in here.”

“Yes, it's almost like we're a tin of sardines,” Ezekiel joked, earning no positive reactions.

“Actually, Ernest, why don't you step out for a minute and give us a bit of room,” Cain puffed, as he tried to move a little, but to no avail.

“Yes. I mean, it's Ezekiel, but, yes.”

“Yes. Sorry. Ezekiel.”

After fighting his way out, Zeke bent down to go under the bed, only to be told “Sorry, private party.” Instead, he just his in the bathroom, where the shower could easily fit and conceal him. No one liked him, and he couldn't help it.

Gabriel didn't even bother telling them off, it hadn't worked all the times before, it certainly wasn't going to work this time. Now it was all quiet though, they were waiting. Waiting for the next person. Why the hell did Gabe enjoy this? It was dull as fuck.

“We are very close aren't we, Michael? Squished up here…” Dean began to talk, his voice slightly muffled.

“Michael?” Lucifer sounded particularly worried about what was going on under there, and you could hardly blame him.

“Babe, I'm not doing anything.”

“Dean, you're drunk,” Castiel shouted. He couldn't care less if he was heard.

“What's the matter, Cas? You jealous?” he taunted, knowing full well he shouldn't.

“Piss off.”

“Please stop arguing, you two. This is ridiculous!” Gabriel tried to stop them.

He really hated seeing them fight, hopefully he and Sam would never become like that. Gabe felt like he was their child, in a way. How he desperately didn't want them to split up, and cover his ears so as to not hear them quarrel. It hurt a lot.

“It's not my fault you're afraid of intimacy, Cas,” Dean yelled back.

“And it's not my fault either. You have no idea,” his voice crashing at the end.

After a moment of silence, Dean did what he should have done a long time ago, “Shit. I'm sorry Cas, I shouldn't have brought it up. I do love you, you know.”

“It's okay, I love you too.”

* * *

“Ta-da!” The doors were ganked open yet again, to show a man in an ill-fitting suit, same height as Gabriel, same age as Castiel. Everyone had to hold back gagging at the stench of the man.

“Garth.”

“Oh, looks like I'm one of the last to join the party. Can I squeeze in?” Garth was sweet, he really was. It was just… he absolutely _stank_. They couldn't let him in. More than one person would end up vomiting.

“No. I just think it's a bit too full,” Gabriel stretched his arms to stop Garth getting in, attempting to make it look like it would burst.

“No, there's plenty of room,” he contradicted, but when he stepped forward, everyone else in the wardrobe jerked forwards, backing Gabe's argument.

“I feel sick,” Rowena whined.

“Breathe through your mouth,” Cain retorted.

“Actually, Garth, some people are hiding under the bed.” Dean could practically hear the Cheshire Cat grin on his partner's voice. How dare he. To be fair though, there was very little room left to get into anyway. He just needed to convince Garth, in his drunken state, to go back to the wardrobe.

“Oh, no, you don't,” was all that was heard from 'the splinter group’.

“That's not the game, is it? You're all meant to be squashed in together. That's the rules,” finally, someone that was agreeing with Gabriel, shame it was in this situation though.

“Yes, but we thought it doesn't really matter about the rules. As long as we're all in the same room it still counts.”

So, Gabriel, who had been insisting that they play by the rules for the past few hours, was now going back on that decision in order to stop Stinky Garth getting in. Now do you understand just how vile the scent was? Good. Carry on soldier.

“Alright. As you wish.”

The doors slammed shut, and the wardrobe group thought they'd off loaded him to the bed group. And so, Garth knelt down, only to be told, “Actually, Garth, there really isn't room under here. There's suitcases and everything. Isn't that right, Michael?”

“Packed mate. Sorry,” like they were really sorry, “Yeah, you're better off going with the wardrobe group.”

Standing back up, Garth stepped over to the wardrobe, “I'm back again. Hang on. What's going on here? Is it caught or something?”

He couldn't physically open the doors, no matter how much he pulled. And that was because everyone inside the wardrobe that could reach the doors, were pulling it back towards them, pretending that-  “It's stuck, Garth. Maybe try going in the bathroom.”

“First time for everything,” Cain sneered. Just like the posh got he was. The posh git with magical hair. Truly wondrous, award-winning hair.

“I can see what it is,” Garth had managed to prise it open just enough to see, “It's fingers. Someone's holding it with their fingers.”

“No, we're trying to push it.”

“Oh, let him in. Poor lad,” Missouri spoke up, not getting the point of keeping him out.

“We can't. Cain, tell them,” Rowena whisper-shouted just quiet enough so Garth couldn't hear her.

“Try again behind the curtain!” her husband did as she told him. Whipped.

“Alright. Funniest game of Sardines I've ever played,” like he was told, Garth his behind the long curtains, which barely covered him.

“You haven't seen Gabriel anywhere, have you, Garth?” A very tall man, with long brown, incredible hair walked in, and spotted Garth immediately. It was Sam, Gabriel's fiancé.

“Oh, caught red-handed. He's hiding in the wardrobe. But you can't get in. Door's stuck, apparently. And there's two under the bed. It's a shambles,” Garth laughed towards the end, then went back to not-so-secretly hiding himself in front of the window.

The moose of a man waltzed up to the furniture holding his love, knocked and spoke, “Gabe, it's Sam. Listen, I've just got to pop down to the station. Pick up a friend who's running a bit late. I can't seem to find my keys. You haven't had them, have you?”

“No, they're in your jacket," Gabriel could have sworn they were.

“No, I've looked. They're not there. I can't find them. I might have to take the Mini. Is that okay?"

“Alright. Drive safely, though. Love you."

“Love you too, Lucifer,” shit. Not only was everyone else doing it, but now his boyfriend. And that was the last straw. Gabriel. Gabriel, I love you.”

“What is that awful smell?” And lastly, Chuck entered the room that was hiding nine people.

“Hello, Chuck.”

“Searched this room, have you?” the eldest Novak asked.

He wasn't a pleasant character, never really had been, especially after his wife, Becky, passed away a year ago. Poor dear, she was lovely, very patient, and didn't believe what was said about him.

“Yes. I believe there are some people hiding in the wardrobe,” Sam started to point, “Some under the bed, and Stinky Gar-... Garth is behind the curtains.”

If you looked directly at the curtains, you could actually see Garth shaking and leaning as far back as possibly.

“No, that is absolutely wrong. Come out from there, boy. You all have to be in the same place. This isn't Hide and Seek. You know the rules, don't you? Well?" Chuck scolded the man.

“Yes, sir,” he gulped, his skin as pale as if he'd just seen a ghost.

Garth never looked so afraid, other than when he was confronted with Chuck Novak. He was utterly petrified, but they didn't understand why.

“Come on. Out, out,” next Chuck kicked the bed frame, and two people came out from below.

“It's like the Diary Of Anne Frank,” Dean commented, ditching the bottle of champagne on the window sill.

All four of them were ushered towards the open doors of the wardrobe.

“Five more sardines to go in the tin.”

“Sorry, Chuck, it's just I need to-” Sam tried to explain, and obviously, it didn't work as Chuck just pushed him in.

“Come on. In you go. That's it. Come along. There we go. That's the name of the game. Sardines.”

“This is fucking mental. I've got to tweet a picture of this. Here we are. Right. Smile, everyone,” Michael laughed, and held up his phone to take a picture.

Cas and Dean were squashed together, as were Gabriel and Sam - who incidentally weren't in a great position - Michael was next to Dean, Chuck was in the middle at the front, Missouri was over his left shoulder and everyone else just fit in around them.

“It's just they're both names of Angels, so I…” Sam was crushed into Gabriel, trying to tell him, but Gabe didn't believe him. Not after everything that had been said. That was the engagement over then. Shame.

“Would anyone like a mint? Garth?” Missouri was kindly attempting to be helpful, and then when she singled out Garth, it was a tad more noticeable.

“No, thank you,” he politely declined, but he was a great deal quieter than before.

“Are you sure? They're very refreshing.”

“They give me diarrhoea.”

“Oh, dear God,” Lucifer sighed, trying to breath out his mouth, rather than inhale the toxic air.

“Chuck,” Cain leaned over his wife, “Rowena was just asking after Dick Roman. How is he these days?”

“Dick Roman? Haven't spoken to him in two years. Dreadful man,” so Cain wasn't the only one who didn't like him.

“I thought-”

“Ah, you thought you were going to use me as a stepping stone, did you?” Chuck was a lot smarter than he looked, pity the MacLeods hadn't figured that one out, “Well, tough titty. That bridge was burned a long time ago.”

“Babysitter?” Rowena offered up the suggestion, tears in her eyes. It was getting far, far too much for her.

“You're still in love with her, aren't you?” Gabriel spat out, then shoved Sam out the way, and happily began to talk to Chuck, “We used to love playing Sardines at parties, didn't we, dad?”

“Oh, yes. We used to call it an icebreaker. Do you remember the Sardines song?” and for a nice change, he was in a good mood. Then again, he did love Gabriel. Always favoured his eldest son over the other two.

“Of course.”

“ _ A baby sardine saw his first submarine _ -”

“Don't you dare sing that!” Cas interrupted, yelling at his father. He hated that man, and if you knew why, I think you would too.

“My house. I'll do what I bloody well like,” Chuck snapped straight back.

“Is it just me or is there, like, a shitty smell in here?” Michael, ever so innocently questioned.

* * *

“Do you remember the year we had the Cub Scouts jamboree? Chaos it was. Kiddies everywhere,” Missouri softly spoke, bring _it_ back up. It had been so many years.

“That was a long time ago.”

“We were having such a laugh. And then this one little boy spoiled it. What was his name?” she tried to remember, forgetting in her old age, that this wasn't something that should be talked about.

No matter how long ago it was, it shouldn't have ever come back into the conversation.

“I think we ought to be making a move now,” Rowena tried to sound positive, despite it being obvious she didn't want to a) get caught up in the Novak family history, and b) stay any longer than she had to.

Cain just gave her a 'you’re wasting your energy, there's no way we're getting out of here anytime soon’ look. And he was right.

“Oh, the police were involved and everything. Do you remember, Garth?”

“Gadreel Penikett.”

If you took a moment to look around the wardrobe, Cain, Rowena, Lucifer, Michael and Sam looked very, very confused. They could tell whatever had happened was bad, very bad. It would have been mentioned before if not. Especially as none of them had heard of this, that made it more suspicious.

Garth looked like a mixture of terror and nausea. Castiel was staring at Chuck, like he wanted to punch his father. Dean just looked very uncomfortable, as he knew what had happened, Castiel had told him. Gabriel was looking like he might be sick, out of embarrassment, but mainly that he wanted all this to stop. And Chuck… he was trying to avoid eye contact, and avoid the topic completely.

“That's it. Little Gadreel. Whatever happened to him?” Missouri's genuine curiosity was disturbing. She was digging the hole deeper, though true, she was asking what they others wanted to know.

Chuck shifted a little then spoke, as confident as he could. “Family moved away, as I recall. Spain or Somerset.”

“Mm, good riddance I say. Accusing you of such horrible things.”

“He paid them to go away.” Cas still looked like he wanted to strangle Chuck, so Dean took his hand, in an attempt to calm Castiel down, which worked a little.

“I was teaching the boy how to wash himself. Basic hygiene,” he turned to his youngest son, hoping Cas wouldn't challenge him, and being ridiculously wrong.

“Well, we weren't all that lucky. Were we, Garth?”

“I can smell carbolic soap,” and when Garth started to gag, that's when Chuck stopped everyone.

“Alright. That's enough!” and into a few moments of silence.

* * *

“Now, before I ring Jeremy Kyle,” Dean may have been a little drunk, but he was sober enough to comprehend the situation, “Can I just say there's no-one actually looking for us any more. We're all here.”

“No, that Zeke fella's not here.”

“Yes, I've got to go and pick him up from the station actually, so…” Sam hoped that was a good enough excuse to get out of the position he was in. With his boyfriend, and squashed in a corner.

“Erm, he's in the bathroom, I think,” Cain pointed out from the other side.

“What?”

“He's a boring chap with glasses,” Cain continued to explain.

“Oh, no, that's not Ezekiel.” Everyone went quiet. Sam didn't know the Ezekiel they'd been talking to. So if he didn't know the guy…?

 _“A baby sardine saw his first submarine,”_ calm singing came from outside the wardrobe, as the key turned in the lock.

“Hello?” they began to cause a commotion locked inside.

_“He was scared and watched through the peephole,”_

“What's going on?” If it wasn't Ezekiel...

_“Oh, come, come, come, said the sardine's mum,”_

“Open this door.” Who was it?

_“It's only a tin full of people.”_

And within that moment Castiel realised exactly what had happened. And he knew who he really was. Outside the wardrobe, the man covered the piece of furniture in petrol, then held out a zipper lighter, holding the flame out.

  
  
“Gadreel?”

**Author's Note:**

> Chuck is a paedophile, he would sexually harass Cas and Garth, and presumably other little boys. Gadreel was the only one who ever said anything, and his family were paid to go away. So, to get away from his past, he locked it away. Oh, and Sam's car keys were taken by Gadreel, so that they were ALL in the wardrobe.


End file.
